Looking for something serious? Here's how to find the right partner

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel like they are truly ready to settle down. It is time to find the right partner with who they can see a future. 

After being in the dating game, casually or seriously, some people eventually decide they want stability and someone to call their companion. When you come to this stage, it can become overwhelming with all the advice on the internet and seeing your friends with their “soulmates” can be lonely on best days, let’s not even think of the bad ones.

So, if you think you are ready for something serious and are ready to focus on building a relationship that is full of meaning, value, and love - this is your guide to finding the right partner for you:

1. Know that there is no one right partner - The idea of “the one” is old and untrue. There might be some people that are right for you, and you can encounter them at any age. Let go of the idea that there is only one person on this planet who would be a good fit for you. Give people a chance and see what sticks. You don’t have to worry about never finding love again if you lost someone you loved in the past. There is a very high chance you will find someone who feels right for you, again.

2. Some people can be wrong for you - While there is nothing inherently wrong with people, some people can be wrong for you. Your idea of a relationship is based on how you have lived your life and your values, and if people you like sometimes do not have the same values, that is okay. Understand that even when there are a lot of intense emotions involved, even when they feel like they are the one, they can be wrong for you.

3. Understand what you can negotiate on and what are your deal - breakers - Don’t make a list of what you want to look for in a partner. That is not only unhealthy for you, but it also sets unrealistic expectations in your head about this “perfect” person you want. Instead, focus on things you can accommodate and things you cannot let go of. For example, if you are strongly against smoking and want a non - smoker partner, you do not have to negotiate on that aspect. But if your preference is brunettes and you start liking someone blonde, give them a shot. Hair doesn’t define people anyway.

4. Understand how to be in a healthy relationship - It is important to understand how to be in a relationship. Often, we jump out of one and into another to kill loneliness. What a healthy relationship needs are emotional stability, mutual respect, and understanding of each others’ values. Before diving into something and giving it your all, ensure that you and your potential partner are ready with some foundational behaviours and good values needed for a healthy relationship. Build trust, respect, and understanding over time. There is no point in starting too fast if you are going to burn out too quickly.

5. Watch out for red flags - If someone’s eccentric moody lifestyle feels attractive, step back and take a moment to reflect on what is happening. Don’t confuse your emotional rollercoaster for being madly in love. And definitely watch out for traits that could be counted as red flags. It is best to give a new relationship 3 - 4 months to settle in. Taking things slow might sound boring, but it can help build stability and a solid understanding of what works and what does not.

6. Don’t make choices out of fear or lust - The two decision - making drivers we often ignore, fear and lust subconsciously affect our decision - making ability. Consciously identify when you are operating out of these and drop the choices. Cultivate time to think about your relationship and ensure you do not do things that come from these emotions. Not only will this hurt you and your partner, but it will also hamper your growth as a human being leading to frustration with yourself and confusion about why things are not going right.